The holidays are fast approaching, and many of us will be traveling back home. While this time of year is generally filled with merriment, family, and food (so much food), returning home to discover your parents or loved one has aged a little more than you remember can be challenging. Curtis E Organizing has extensive experience working with clients at all stages of life, so we understand how overwhelming it can be for everyone involved. We’ve put together a list of changes to look for in aging relatives, and how to manage this new phase of life gracefully.
Sensitivity Is Key
First thing, take a deep breath. “The older generation is experiencing the unknowns of how to age well when things come up. There is no handbook for how to age, and I often hear, ‘I never thought I would have aged like this,’” says Lindsey Nordstrom, PT, DPT and owner of Spry Physical Therapy and Geriatric Wellness. “The aging adult is already aware of the tasks they are struggling with, so sensitivity is key for keeping the lines of communication open.”
What To Do Now?
Aging is a natural process and doesn’t have to be a scary transitional time for your parents, or for you. Don’t be afraid to ask hard questions, but make sure they understand your desire to see them safe, healthy, and happy.
Here’s a checklist of things to look for:
How mobile are they? If they’re having difficulty maneuvering around their home, are there obstacles you can remove to make navigating their home easier? Do they need a walker, wheelchair, or chair lift? Is it easy for them to get up from the rocker/recliner?
Are they showing signs of self-care neglect? Check to see if the bathroom appears to be used (and cleaned) on a regular basis. Does it appear that they’re not bathing regularly? Getting into the shower might present challenges if they’re experiencing mobility or memory issues.
According to agingcare.com, “Illnesses or conditions that follow a progressive pattern, such as Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, Parkinson’s disease, depression, or addiction, may lead to a gradual loss of ability to or interest in self-care.”
Are they eating healthy, and regularly? Is the food in the fridge out of date? Or, is it loaded with takeout containers? Aging relatives may be eating less, but are they eating on a regular basis? These may be signs that food prep has become a challenge. Poor nutrition can lead to a host of other problems, so ensure they’re eating healthy, even if they aren’t preparing it themselves.
Are they able to do home maintenance? Are they taking out the trash every week, or are there bags of trash and/or recycling piling up? It can add up to be an overwhelming task quickly.
What about bills? Is there a stack of bills piled up somewhere? Have services been disconnected because of a late payment? Are they paying for services they no longer need (home phone, expensive cable channels, etc)?
Are they still driving? Is the car in good maintenance? Are their insurance cards up to date? We’ve seen an uptick in lapsed auto insurance due to Covid, so check to make sure they’re “street legal.” Also, are their reflexes sharp enough to where they should still be driving? The loss of independence from no longer driving is very real, but everyone’s safety should be paramount in the decision-making process.
Is their medication working for them? This can be harder to detect, but Nordstrom urges people to listen to the types of things aging relatives say about their day-to-day health. More and more, patients have to be advocates for their own health, and it can be difficult for this generation to verbalize if something isn’t quite right. “Pick up on the little things they’re saying, such as ‘I get headaches more regularly,’ or ‘I feel dizzy after I take my pills.’” Then, dive into it to help them to advocate for their doctor to conduct a medication review,” Nordstrom says.
What’s Next?
Proceed with care. It’s not uncommon for seniors to feel threatened or uncomfortable when approached about their ability to care for themselves. “Be sensitive to what they’re going through. It can be hard for them to vocalize what they’re experiencing,” says Nordstrom.
Reiterate that you care about them and want what’s best for them.
If your aging relative chooses to age in place, there are some things you can do to make sure their needs are met.
- Are they managing alright but could use a hand with chores? Consider an at-home aid to help with cleaning, cooking, etc.
- Would they have better mobility in a ranch-style home, or downsizing to a townhome/condo/apartment? Professional organizers, such as Tina Curtis, can help organize and sort belongings for a smooth transition.
- The last thing you want for a loved one is for services to get disconnected because of a missed payment. Talk to them about an auto-pay system to ensure their bills are paid on time.
- If driving is out of reach, talk to them about ride services like Uber or Lyft.
If activities of daily living (ADL) appear to be beyond their capabilities, gently approach the idea of a senior living facility. (Not sure what ADLs are? Check out this article from aplaceformom.com)
Make sure they have a designated power of attorney and a will in place. Nobody likes to think about end-of-life decisions, but making them when you’re not in crisis can bring peace and clarity to a time of great distress.
By approaching the aging process with respect, love, and care, you and your relatives can work towards an approach that encourages them to thrive, whatever stage they’re at. If you would like guidance on how to move forward with life transitions, give Tina a call at 847-421-8651.
